Sunday, April 14, 2013

Of relations and relating!

Few days back, I came across one of Osho's saying, where he said love is about relating and not about relationships. This got me thinking and finally the whispers in my head became so loud that I had to pen it down!

Much ado has been made about love and relationships, esp the romantic man-woman love and I am no different to not try and have my share of voice on this topic! :)

So yes, when Osho said love is about relating to someone and not about a relationship, I paused a bit and looked around and within! True, in our unwise mind, love is always equated with a relationship. From our childhood, we nurture the fantasy of falling in love and getting married (may not be always in that order). Somehow, love without a sense of permanency, leaves us feeling insecure. We desperately need a "relationship", a socially approved one if possible. So much so, that we forget the basic fact, that love is actually about relating unconditionally to some one. Relating to some ones joys, sorrows, pain, insecurities, weaknesses and many subtle shades of emotion!

As I look around me, I find relationships where people do not relate to each other at all! For e.g- what would you say when a wife cant share the salary hike she received at work place with her husband! They have stopped relating to each others success, joys perhaps long back! But still they are in a so called successful relationship....a marriage lasting for years! Or may be where the partner accuses the other half of flirting with every one of the opposite sex and still continues to be in that relationship! Are they relating to each other! Or what happens when a person who used to be the wind beneath the wings of another, turns only interested to clip the wings after they are in a "relationship"! Is it because they transitioned from relating to each other to a relationship! Well, I am no spiritual guru and forget answers, I do not even have the questions correct most of the times! But I am so tired of seeing relationships all around me where people actually do not relate to each other at all, ready to tear apart each other, not hesitating for a moment to insult and abuse! I wonder what is the point of intimacy, emotional or otherwise, where there is no respect, where you cant trust unconditionally, where you cant reach out even without being called! Are we only in love with the idea of love and rest is all a matter of convenience, including relationships!

May the Almighty give all of us enough love to never stop relating to our loved ones, beyond the tag of a relationship!

Amen! :)


  1. A thought-provoking post!
    How we relate to things, living and no-living is a subject too big, and relating in relationships is no small issue either. No wonder people are finding difficulties in relationships because they find themselves unable to wholly relate to their partners, but it must be remembered that relating with one's spouse or a partner one chooses to live with can never be total or absolute. Even a bond like marriage does not guarantee that one would not have any vacant space or an area of conflict as far as relating with the other person. Relationships are indeed constantly tested by the relation-partners' ability to connect overcoming the oddities and conflicts in understanding that may have risen. Understanding oneself or even the spouse or partner can never be taken for granted. Difficulties to mutually connect or develop empathy can be very distressing and singular or sporadic attempts can even be quite frustrating. However, before giving up on a relationship, or rather than trying to seek a closure therein, one must assess with the other person if they genuinely WANT TO work out the differences, if they genuinely WANT to DEVELOP THEIR SELF-KNOWLEDGE, THEIR UNDERSTANDING, and THEIR CAPACITY to SELF-REGULATE, INDIVIDUALLY and IN TANDEM, and thus to CONTRIBUTE TOWARDS A TRULY SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP. Exploration is the key, I'd say.